Emmanuel. God With Us

I sat in the football stands alone. Watching my kid cheer on the field. My middle son came up at one point and talked to me. We laughed and had fun. Then he headed back to sit with his dad and stepmom. The woman next to me said, “Joint custody?” She had the same thing. She shared kids at all the events. Another Cheer mom was single, too. And she sat in the row behind us. Not really sure what their names were. We didn’t need to know that. We understood each other and we laughed throughout the game. Had a little chit chat. We each came alone, but we weren’t alone in those stands.


Walking through Walmart and I see a mom trying to juggle two toddlers while grocery shopping for the week. I walk up, say hi to the kiddos. Look at mom and tell her I’ve done that before and she’s doing great. She wasn’t alone.


A friend’s child is graduating high school this year. Her one and only. She struggles with it. I’ve done this twice. I’ve watched two boys walk across that stage. And next year, my baby will walk it. She’ll send me texts. The fun times. The fight for more time. The costs. And I get it! I’ve been there. I’m not sure what to say, because each of us deal differently. But, she’s not alone.


Two thousand years ago, a mother is in labor. She carried the Son of God. Her husband, who isn’t the father, stands beside his wife, helping as he can. And all he could find was a stable, filled with animals and hay.


A final push, and a baby’s cry fills the air. But not just any child. This child left His Heavenly, comfortable home. And He didn’t just float down from the clouds and demand followers. This Son started His life as a baby. He gave up divinity to become human. To walk through this world. At some point in his life, He lost his earthly father; the man who agreed to raise not only a child not his own, but God’s own Son. He understood what it is to lose someone you love. 


This child and His parents had to run for their lives and live in a strange country for many years. This Son grew up as a boy, became a teenager, and became a carpenter.


He dedicated His life to serve His Father. He loved others. And He was tempted. Wealth. Fame. Lands. Kingdoms. If He would just walk away from heaven, He could have everything on earth. But, Jesus chose to believe the Word of God. After all, He was the Word made flesh.


He chose to be here.

To share in our hurts.

Our fears.

Our lives.

Our temptations.

Our ugliness.


He did it without committing one sin, yet cruel judgment never came from Him. He spoke the Truth in Love. “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father.”


And then, this child in a manger, made the ultimate sacrifice.


As humanity began, without sin, in a garden, another human, without sin, prayed in a garden. Death faced him. A serpent whispered in his ear. The battle began. “Not my will, Father, but yours be done!”


Betrayal from a friend.

Soldiers came.

A fake trial.

Hatred.

Alone.

No one to stand with Him.

A beating.

A crown of thorns.

A cross.

Nails.

Sin and sickness thrust upon this man, who didn’t deserve it.

His eyes opened.

Joy filled him.

He looked across time.

And He saw you.

Although He could’ve stepped off that cross at any time,  He chose not to. 


He saw a soldier crying for him in a war-torn field.


He saw a single mom, struggling to make ends meet.


He saw a teenager giving up on life.


He saw a meth addict, looking in the mirror and wondering who she was.


He saw slaves who needed freedom.

Hopelessness that needed revival.

Dry lands that needed rain.


And He allowed death to take Him.

The Son of Man. The Son of God. Dead.


But, the same Spirit that hovered over the waters on a lifeless planet, the same Spirit who gave strength to a boy with five stones, the same Spirit that inspired a queen to save her nation, the same Spirit that impregnated a virgin, was still at work in a grave.


And death couldn’t win.

A stone rolled away.

Jesus emerged.

The serpent lost.

Salvation was alive.

Humanity wasn’t alone in their filth.

The Son willingly left heaven and walked among us.

He knows. He understands. And He intercedes for us.


We are not alone.

Never alone.


And it began with a baby’s cry. A cry that started before the foundation of the world. A cry that caused the angels to sing and shepherds to leave their flocks. It caused Kings to travel far, following a Star. In faith.


A baby’s cry that says you aren’t alone.

A cry that came to bring us life.

A cry filled with hope. With love.


Rejoice!


We can do this. Because He came.


Emmanuel. God with us.

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The Friend Zone

A couple of years ago, I took my son and his friend’s out for pizza. The conversation became very interesting! These kids started talking about the “Friend Zone.” Now, I didn’t know about this zone, but I learned! Apparently, if someone of the opposite sex puts you into the friend zone, “You’re always in the friend zone.” My son looks at me and in all seriousness, tells me, “Mom, that’s the problem. You put too many guys into the friend zone. Stop putting them there!”

Needless to say, we got a laugh out of that! And, although he doesn’t remember the conversation, I sure do!

This is February. The month of cupid, chocolate, and love. People are going on dates, renewing their vows, or getting engaged. Ahhh, love.

But, for me, Valentine’s wasn’t always fun; in fact, I dreaded it. And no, this didn’t start after divorce. It started way before that, in the middle of a hard marriage.

Fast forward through a hard divorce. And the struggle becoming a single mom and going back to work. Then, something strange thing happened. I started liking the holiday again. My heart started to open up again. I was healing, and cupid helped with that.

 

It’s been eight years. Eight years of raising kids, going to college, finding a career, discovering myself, fighting cancer, and clinging to my faith. Two of those years, I had dates on Valentine’s Day. And, you know what? That’s OK.

Right after my divorce, I needed to trust again. And, God answered. I met a guy, and we were totally and completely in the friend zone! It was exactly what I needed. There were no strings; just two people who hung out together. Although we still know each other, we aren’t as close as we once we were, but that year helped me heal and trust again.

I’ve formed a group of friends these last many years; both men and women. This group has seen people come and go. Some move away, some get married, some just move into another group. But, it’s been good for all of us. We have had interesting conversations, fun times, and eaten lots of meals. Sometimes we go to movies. Sometimes we watch football. At times, we play games. All of it centers around church, since we that’s how we’ve all met. This group is the ultimate friend zone!

As single moms, we sacrifice our personal lives in order to dedicate ourselves to our kids. But, in doing that, we lose something. We lose the ability to show true friendship to our kids. They are trained by schoolmates, by neighborhood kids, by TV. However, they should be learning about friendships from us. Find a group of friends you feel comfortable with. Friends that stretch you, that encourage you, that laugh with you! Model God-centered relationships and watch how their lives will change.

And, since it is the month of love, I’ll just let you know that I’ve seen marriages come out of that friend zone. And honestly, maybe that’s the best way to find love…with a friend that you’ve gotten to know and trust. Only God knows how and when love will come. Only you know if that’s what you want. Until then, enjoy life, laugh with friends, and have fun! Little eyes are watching and learning.

(Originally published on February 20, 2018 at www.singlemomzrock.com) 

Heads or Tails

The coin is up in the air, twisting and turning as it falls to the ground. Everyone leans forward to see how it’s going to land. Heads or tails? Which team will go first? One team moans and another cheer! Time to start the game.

There’s been plenty of times that life as a single mom feels like we’re just flipping a coin to see which direction to go. What decision to make. Which school to put our kids into. What job to apply for. We’d like to just flip the coin and do whatever it tells us to do.

But, we are adults here. And flipping a coin isn’t an option.

So, we get out a piece of paper. Label one side “Pros” and the other side “Cons.”

Or we brainstorm and fill a paper with circles full of options.

How about the days we call six of our closest friends and get six different options?

Kind of makes you want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers.  This adulting thing ain’t easy. As single moms, the choice lies in us, and us only, to make. No coin can direct us which road to choose.

After my divorce, I thought of leaving my church and finding another one. Seriously! It seemed so much easier to run from all the memories and all the questions. After all, we were Sunday School teachers to 9th and 10th graders. And, I had to look at those parents and just shrug my shoulders.

“Yes, we are getting a divorce.”

“No, I really don’t want to talk about it.”

Many Sundays, I felt like hiding under a pew. It seemed that life would be easier if I left my church. The church I grew up in. The church that supported me. Just so I wouldn’t have to let the people I loved see my tears. Flipping a coin seemed easy. My pros and cons list were equal. My circles had circles! And, everyone had an opinion. My friends. My kids. All of it.

There’s just one problem. I wasn’t praying about it. I wasn’t seeking God. I was tied up in my own disappointment and hurt. I wanted everyone’s opinion except for the One who actually mattered. I couldn’t focus. It was like being at the eye doctor. “Option 1 or option 2?”

Right before I made the crucial choice to leave it all behind, I remembered to pray. Something I should’ve done the month before. I asked God. I showed him my lists. Then, I got quiet. And I took some deep breaths. In the quietness, I got my answer. The peace deep down inside, was the answer. I was to stay and not go. A month after this, a friend literally dragged me into the singles Sunday School class. And, it was exactly where I needed to be. It was where the healing was. The place I learned to laugh again. Friendships formed that surrounded me when I needed it.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” Psalm 37:23

There’s nothing wrong with the lists and circles and the coin flips and asking opinions. But, there is a disservice to our Father when we try to make the choices without Him. He loves us and delights in every detail of our lives. He wants to lead us. He knows the best path to take! Before you do anything, ask Him for direction. Follow that peace deep down inside. Do things in the right order.

For single moms, our paths may be different. I know some who chose to start over at a different church or move to a different town. I know some who stayed put. Some have regretted it. But, those who followed by faith, were more at peace then the one’s who chose to follow the coins. Because even if they stumbled or got off track a little, they were holding hands with a Father who wants only the best for them and would lead them gently back onto the road they needed.

(Originally published April 17, 2018 on www.singlemomzrock.com)

Four Crazy Friends

When I ask, “who are your crazy friends?” Who comes to mind? What names flash right through your head?  

After my divorce, I met a lady at church, who pretty much made it her mission to make me laugh again. And, boy did she ever! We would get together, watch movies, go shopping, talk about men, and scout out the single guys in church. Just picture two ladies, cruising around town, laughing, and listening to Taylor Swift very loudly!

               “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.

                Everything will be alright, if you keep me next to you.

                You don’t know about me, but I bet you want to.

                Everything will be alright, if we keep dancing like we’re 22…”

We were Thelma and Louise, just without the sad ending!

There was once a man, who was very sick. He needed help and he needed it desperately. He had four friends who wanted to help him. They heard of a healer, but their friend couldn’t walk. Well, these guys had an idea. “Let’s take him.” They carried this man to Jesus, but the house he was out was so crowded, they couldn’t get in. But, these guys were just crazy enough to find a way. And the only way into that house was through the ceiling. So, up they go, take off the roof, and lower him to Jesus. The Bible says in Mark 2:5, “Seeing their faith.” Jesus saw the faith of these guys and He forgave and healed their friend.

So, I’m going to ask a question. Who do you have in your corner who is crazy enough to do something wild and outside the box, just for you? Who can you count on to go all the way with you? Who is your tribe? Who are the ladies you can count on for anything and everything?

I’m pretty much an open book. I tell people about things in my life and things going on. But, it’s not the deep stuff. Not the things that are under the surface. My deepest feelings are only shared with a few. Just those ladies that are crazy enough to cheer me on or kick me in the butt, no matter what’s going on. They are also the one’s I like to hang around with; the ones I pray with, talk to, and text.

If you don’t have friends like this, go look for them. Ask God for some divine connections. You may meet them at church, at work, or at the grocery store. These are the friends who will hold you when you lose your job, who will laugh at your corny jokes, who will schedule a day trip when you need a break.

And although everyone needs four crazy friends, I believe single moms need them even more. At times, when the weight of all we do is weighing on us, we need the friends who are willing to go cray-cray when needed. Just think about that one man with four crazy friends! I’ve got to wonder what these guys did after their encounter with Jesus. The laughs they must’ve had. “Remember that time you couldn’t even walk? Dude, we carried you for miles! You owe us big time!” And, I’ve no doubt that man returned the favor, in whatever way he could.

Find your tribe, ladies.

Find the one’s who will be there when you need to cry.

Need to laugh.

Need to go crazy.

And, after you’ve found them, allow yourself some crazy, memory-making times! Take the pictures of you laughing and having fun. Show your kids how life can be absolutely amazing, even if the circumstances surrounding you may not be. Show them how God-ordained relationships really work!

(Published May 22, 2018 on www.singlemomzrock.com)

Celebrate the Woman You Are

I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to travel to different countries, all filled with beautiful women. And although our cultures may be different, women throughout the earth are very much alike. They want the best for their families. They pour themselves into their world. They fight. They cry. They love.

God created. He created plants, animals, and man. And as Adam walked the garden, he must have noticed that he was the only human. And I believe that was done on purpose. God didn’t say “oops! I forgot the female human.” (Genesis 2:8). And I believe God smiled as He put Adam to sleep and performed an amazing surgery. Taking One Rib from his side, God created a woman. A compliment to all of creation. Beauty walked and talked and laughed.

But, as the story continues, we see that an enemy lurked, who wanted to destroy the beauty that was created. The lie was woven. Deception spoke. And mankind fell. Sin entered. Division overtook unity. And beauty struggled.

But God made a way! A woman took a bite. A woman centuries later accepted an assignment to carry the answer to the brokenness. From One Rib came One Answer. God chose a woman to give birth to the His Son, the One who would restore mankind to the Creator. Love restored all the beauty that was lost in the garden.

Throughout the Bible, we read of many One Ribs. Women of the Bible who show us that we are not all the same. There are the quiet ones and the warriors. Wives, widows, single moms. We see those who fought for women’s rights and properties. There are those who fed prophets and married kings. We also read of the ones who embraced evil and celebrated it.

Ladies, choose to embrace the beauty of who you were created to be! Don’t try to mold yourself into someone else! Be who God desires you to be! He created you. He looked across time as He took One Rib and saw you!

He saw the joy and made you to laugh.
He saw the struggles and made you strong.
He saw the hurts and made you tears to cry.
He saw your love and made a heart big enough to hold it.
He saw your world and gave you everything you would need to survive and to thrive.

Don’t allow the hurts of others make you bitter.
Don’t allow love lost keep you from loving.
Don’t let the abuses and wrongs done to you keep you from embracing an abundant life.
Don’t stop being the answer to those around you.
Don’t try to prove you're more than a man, embrace the complete woman you are. 

He smiles at you. He loves you. He made you. Celebrate your idiosyncrasies because He needs to use it in ways you’ve probably never imagined. 

Celebrate who you are!

Survive or Thrive

When my oldest son was a little boy, he was playing after a church service and fell on one of the chairs. His leg was torn up and a huge gash was left behind. It took a long time to heal. As a mom to boys, I’ve dealt with plenty of cuts and scrapes. And, some have left scars, just as that chair left it’s mark on my son.

As my kiddos have scars that remind them of times they fell, or climbed a tree, or had a bike accident, I have scars as well. I have the scars of two surgeries that cover my chest. Pretty pink ribbons don’t prepare you for a diagnosis of breast cancer. They don’t prepare you for chemo, surgeries, and radiation. And, they certainly don’t prepare you to be thrown into menopause by your doctor’s when you’re only 40 years old! Daily, I see the scars and the weight gain from treatment.

I’ll be outright honest here. For a while, looking in the mirror was hard. First, I lost my hair. Then I turned some weird shade of yellow. But, that wasn’t as hard as the daily reminders that a surgeon’s knife had cut into my chest in multiple places. My hair grew back, and my skin became normal again. But, those scars stayed.

As I focused more on the external scars, there were internal ones sitting below the surface. Breast Cancer is wrapped in pretty ribbons and hope-filled commercials. Even though it's anything buy pretty, you at least get a T-shirt or two...or five out of it. However, a hard, abusive marriage leaves scars as well and there aren’t T-shirts for that. Although the scars are buried deep, they are there. And, as I became focused on my physical features, the internal one’s surfaced. The hurt. The shame. The fear. A hard marriage that had taken its toll on me.

It was during this time that the lies started. At first, they were faint. But, as my line-of-sight was increasingly on me, the voices started growing louder.

“No one will love you.”
“No one will want you.”
“No man will want this.”
“You’re a broken woman.”
“You’ll never marry again.”
“Just look at you.”                                                                                                                          “I thought you were a faith-filled woman. You’re divorced. You’ve had cancer.”

So many of life’s greatest battles start in our minds, with little thoughts that soon become our reality. I had started to believe the lie that I wasn’t good enough.

It was one of those ugly-cry-kind-of-days, when I asked the question, “How can anyone ever love me or want me?” A cry of desperation. But, also, a cry that was heard. My Daddy God hears every cry and sees every tear. And, He answers those who call on Him. I straight out asked Him to show me someone in the Bible who would understand scars.

My answer came in the last place I expected it to be! The Song of Solomon. Yep! The one book in the Bible that focuses on love, was where I found my answer. It’s still so crazy-awesome to me how I opened my Bible that day and just started reading Chapter 1.

“I am weathered but still elegant,
   oh, dear sisters in Jerusalem,
Weather-darkened like Kedar desert tents,
    time-softened like Solomon’s Temple hangings.
Don’t look down on me because I’m dark,
    darkened by the sun’s harsh rays.
My brothers ridiculed me and sent me to work in the fields.
    They made me care for the face of the earth,
    but I had no time to care for my own face.”

Song of Solomon 1:5-6, Message


Whoa! Hold up! There’s a woman in the Bible who feels weathered? Who’s had a tough life? A lady who’s been through stuff? Yet, she calls herself elegant!

When I think of the word elegant, I think of Audrey Hepburn. She once said, “Elegance is the only beauty that never fades.”

Webster defines elegant as “high grade or quality.”

Is it possible to weather life’s storms and come out elegant? Yes! Look at the woman in Song of Solomon. She was working the fields, where her brothers had put her. They didn’t value her enough to allow her to be a lady in their home. She was sent out into fields. Into the sun. Where her hands were calloused. I imagined her figure had taken on the role of field hand. Yet, she saw herself as elegant in a place considered just the opposite.

And look what happened. Love found her. I resonate with the story of this woman. Although she experienced a hard life, she must have understood that the scars weren’t badges of shame, but just events on her timeline. She carried herself with dignity. She understood she was worthy. She had an appearance about her that made a man looking out on the field take notice of her. And he desired her. He fell in love with her. 

See, we must choose what to do with the things that have hurt us. We have a choice. We can walk through life, looking worn and frazzled and stressed. We can carry our scars like a cross, showing what a heavy burden they are. Or we could carry them like badges of honor, showing the battles we’ve survived.

But, what if we walked with such elegance that people were shocked when they heard our story? Shocked that we didn’t just survive, but that we thrived? In awe that we didn’t park at the hurt, but just kept driving on the highway of life, with the top down and the music turned up, enjoying every minute of this life we live! Because that’s the life that is promised to us in Christ Jesus, our Savior.

Allow God into your story! Allow Him to heal the hurts; the ones that are seen and the ones that are not seen. You never know who or what you'll find on the journey! Love your story, because your story is His story! 

 “Don’t get lost in despair; believe in God, and keep on believing in Me.” (John 14:1 The Voice).

**As a side note, I haven't found that guy yet, like the woman in Song of Solomon. But, single ladies, I'm OK with that. Oh, I do want to get married again! I'm just going to keep serving God and loving life single, until the right guy jumps into the car with me on this crazy ride of life! 


I highly recommend the book, “Why God Why” by Karen Jensen Salisbury. Go to www.karenjensen.org.

It's Just One of Those Messy-Bun-Hair-Days

Originally posted on SingleMomzRock.com

Have you ever just had a day where you were ready to shout, "Do over!" by 9am?

You and the kids overslept.

The laundry never got moved from the washer to dryer and it's still wet.

Breakfast was throwing granola bars at the kids as they ran for the bus.

 

The kid's dad called and was upset about something, but you didn't have time to figure out why.

Messy bun on top of your head because you didn't have time to style it.

Running late for work and the gas tank is empty.

And just when you thought things couldn't get worse, you walk into the office bathroom and look up…and you forgot to put on your make-up!

"Hope this wasn't the day I was supposed to meet Prince Charming, because he'd turn around and never look back!"

We've all had day's like that. Days that things just didn't go according to our well-made plans.

But, you know what? It's OK. Go ahead. Look in that mirror, Momma. Take a deep breath or two. And just say it, out loud, "It's going to be OK."

There are times we must stop and remind ourselves just who we are; imperfect moms who have a perfect Heavenly Father! Psalm 46:10 tells us to "Be still and know that I am God." Those are God's words, written just for us. I have to believe that God looked across the expanse of time, and saw those messy-hair-bun days. He knew that we would need to be reminded that He's got us!

Lately, I've had quite a few of those messy-hair-bun days. Want to know what's funny to me? Those are the days I get the most compliments! "I love your hair today! It looks great!" Wait! What? I'm ready to throw in the towel, and you're telling me I look good? My hair is up because I just couldn't handle one more thing today! And you think I've got it all together! How does that even happen?

Because the God of the universe, cares about those messy-bun-hair days. He sees it all. He knows about the teenager that rolled his eyes all morning. He knows about the 3rd grader, crying over a spelling test he failed. He knows the extra bills that came in the mail. He knows that some days, getting out of bed and facing the world, takes every ounce of strength that's in you.

And, He looks at us and smiles.

"It's OK, daughter! Just take a deep breath. Allow me to quiet you. I'm working in these situations. Just do what you have to do. Do the best you can. I've got you. I've got your kids. Just wrap that hair in a messy bun and go out into your day! It's all going to be OK!"

Momma's, you're doing great! Even when it doesn't seem like it. Even when you forget to thaw out the meat for dinner. Even when you forgot to bring umbrellas to the soccer game on a rainy day. Even when… just fill in the blank. We've all had those days.

And, on those days, your super-power is pulling that hair back into a messy bun and doing life with your kids! Because you know, everything is going to be just fine!

Source: www.singlemomzrock.com

The Story

Originally posted on SingleMomzRock.com

Have you ever read a book you didn't like? You know, the book that started beautifully: a boy and girl fell in love. But, as the pages turned, life became ugly. Many times, you put down the book, determined to never pick it up again. It just didn't seem worth reading. Characters that you fell in love with, became ugly. The plot took unexpected twists and turns. You felt almost depressed as you read the chapters. What happened? How did the book start out so well and end so horribly? 

For many of us, our lives were like this book. We entered a loving, caring relationship and we began a new, exciting chapter in our lives.  Children were born and a family began.  Somewhere along the way, though, life took some strange twists and turns. The light chapters became dark. The plot line flipped upside down and soon lawyers and judges were involved in our lives. At the end of it all, the only thing we were given was a piece of paper, filled with division of assets and visitation schedules. Our love story became a heap of ashes.

All of us have different stories. We've had different chapters, characters, and plots. Some of us saw the it coming and began to prepare. Some of us were caught completely off guard. But, our stories all led to the same thing: we became single moms. And entering that season usually isn't easy.

There's been many times I've wished for an instruction manual!

               Chapter One: What to Tell the Kids

               Chapter Two: How to Raise Children with The Man Who Hurt You

               Chapter Three: Going Back to Work After Being A Housewife

               Chapter Four: When There's More Bills Than Money

               Chapter Five: Where to Sit During Basketball Games and Band Concerts

I could keep going, but you get the idea! There's just so much we need to think about! Little lives are our responsibility. At times, we wish we could leap out of the pages of this horror story and jump back into the fairy tale chapters. But, we keep going. Keep pushing. Keep taking deep breaths and putting one foot in front of the other.

Then, the chapters start changing.

Like the day that you and the kids erupt in laughter over a lunchroom story!

The vacation you take with the kids by yourself!

The time you juggle multiple parent-teacher conferences, with all the teachers!

The promotion you got at a job you felt unqualified to do!

The time you talked to the ex and his new wife and you walked away, feeling fine!

               When you look to heaven and thank God that He never left you and your kids!

See, in all this unknown, a known Father sees every bit of it. None of it surprised Him. He isn't sitting in His Throne Room, shaking His head and calling us failures! Our Father is with us in every hard place. He's present in all the good times. He smiles because He not only knows what happened, but He knows that we are going to be great single moms! He knows the ending of the book.

The words that David spoke centuries ago become real in our modern-day situations,

"You saw me before I was born.

Every Day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."

               Psalm 139:16, NLT

We may wake up in the morning, not sure how everything will work out. But, God already planned for our Single Motherhood! Wait! What? God already knew and He's blessing my single-parenting life? Yes! Jesus didn't promise a full, abundant life just to the people who stayed married and raised the kids together. He promised it to everyone that accepts Him. So, those pages you wish you could tear out and throw away? God has them recorded already! He's got every day of your life and the life of your children laid out.

Single Momma, wake up and take that deep breath. Face the day, and your children, with a smile on your face. Jam out to some happy music while stuck in rush-hour traffic. Throw the frozen peas into the ramen noodles, while joking with the kids, and serve that dinner in the best bowls you own. Make prayer time your favorite time, seeking the wisdom of our Heavenly Father. These chapters are all yours! Take those twists and turns and make it into the best roller coaster that's ever been ridden. Your story has already been written!

Source: www.singlemomzrock.com

Play In The Rain

Originally posted on SingleMomzRock.com

It was late and way past Alex’s bedtime. I was tired and ready for bed myself. But, we had to go get groceries. After all, my boys knew how to eat! By the time we pulled into the garage, it was raining hard outside. I gave Alex the keys and asked him to start getting the groceries. When I came back out, he was standing in the rain. The trunk was still shut. Playfully, he dangled the keys in front of me.

At that moment, I had a choice. I could get frustrated, get back my keys, put the groceries up and put him to bed.

Or, I could chase that kid into the rain and play with him.

I chose the latter. We played in the rain until we were thoroughly soaked, then we put the groceries up and got ready for bed. There was lots of laughter that night! And jokes! And smiles! All because I chose to act silly and get really wet!

As single moms, we can get tired. Like so tired, you can hardly see straight. Too tired to even think. When many times, when our kids are ready to play, we’re ready for bed! No one would blame us for bypassing the games and just chilling on the couch, while the kids played in another room.

Playing is part of childhood; and for us to be part of children’s lives, we need to play as well!

Playing looks different for all of us. It could mean staying up late with a Monopoly game. Or maybe making cookies at 10:00 at night, because there’s a living room full of teenage boys who want a snack. It’s laying outside on a trampoline to watch the stars. It’s talking about a racing game on the Playstation or watching yet another Marvel movie! And if you have more than one child, it could be all of the above on the same night!

Psychologist say play is important for children. It helps to teach them how to act. It gives them social skills and self-confidence. It helps to train them for real-life situations. But, beyond the studies and the big words, the more important thing is to give our children a chance to laugh with us. Playing gives us insight into our children’s lives. Plus, kids need that bonding time with you Mom!

I have three amazing boys. And, they are so very different! I have a kid who’s good at putting things together and he loves video games. Ever talk past midnight about a racing game? I have! My middle kid loves reading and acting and watching movies. Our fun was discussing the books he read and watching the movies to see if they followed the book. My youngest is my most active child and my most scholastic. Fun for him is rock climbing at a local park, while talking about colleges. But, I never would have known these things, if I hadn’t been willing to get onto their level and play with them.

But, you know what else you’re doing? Making memories! When we play another game of checkers, when we play tag or go to the playground, we are making memories that will be remembered for a lifetime. Our children may not remember the exact activity, but they will remember the laughter. They will remember how they felt. They’ll remember that mom was happy and fun to be around.

Momma’s get right into the center of your child’s world. Set aside time to play games, to joke around, to enjoy activities together. Experiment with different things to see what clicks with your child. Rent funny movies. Bake together. Let them throw a party and invite their friends. Go for a hike. Plan a vacation together. Play board games. You’ll be surprised by how much you learn about your children, just by goofing off and having fun!

And next time it rains, you be the first one outside, splashing in the puddles and getting all wet!

My New Window

Ahhhh, a new window. A clean, clear window. Right next to an old, dirty scratched window. Hmmm, maybe Thomas should’ve broken both of them. Then I’d have a new set. But, my teenage son wasn’t thinking about both windows. All he wanted was to get into his home. 

Of course, having his keys with him probably would have made this chore much easier. But, when you're 16, keys aren’t a priority. And Nathan, his 14 year-old brother, decided he doesn’t want to walk back to the house to give Thomas keys.

Guess Thomas could’ve used his cell to call mom at work, only a mile away. No, he needed in the house and the window was unlocked. Oh, but the bar in the window track put up a fight and his right hand went through the glass and we spent a few hours in the Urgent Care, getting stitches. The joys of being a mother to three wonderfully fantastic boys. No boring life for this Oklahoma girl. 

So, now I have two windows side-by-side. They have the same job. They enable me to look out of them and watch boys, birds, squirrels, and a dog play. They allow me to watch the rain and to keep an eye on my two tomato plants, which is my attempt at a container garden. I love my windows. But, now they are different. 

I’ve heard it said that our lives are the window in which we show the world God. So, if that’s so, and I like to think it is, then which window are we? Actually, maybe the better question should be how do we become clear? 

This means that everyone who comes to Christ is a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun. 2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT 

A new life. Like a new window. Clean. Clear. Shining. 

Isn’t that what we long for? Yet, we seem to get bogged down. By our past. By our present. And by our future. We take our focus off God and we see the ugliness around us. And, at times, on us. Life itself throws dirt and cobwebs on us and leaves us scratched and scarred. When we focus on that, our windows become clouded. But, when we allow God to renew us, our windows become clear. Focused. Shining. 

So even though I don’t want to pay to have my old window replaced, God payed the price, with the life of His Son, to make us brand new. Whenever you don’t feel clean, remember you’re a new person. God sees a clean, new window when He looks at you. 

Now, if Thomas can just choose a smaller window to break next time…. 

Originally published mywildgardenblog, on May 11, 2013

 

Beauty In The Brokenness

I moved into my home during the winter months. I noticed that I have a flower bed in my backyard that is an absolute mess. Who knew what was growing in the jumbled mess of weeds and limbs? I knew it needed to be cleaned, but with the busyness of work, school, kids, church, and extra-curricular activities, I never got around to it. I saw that eyesore out my kitchen window daily. One day, during the spring, I noticed green begin to appear. “Oh great, here come the weeds.” A few weeks later, I was looking out my window, and noticed something red in that mess. I walked out, and there was a rose bush sprouting red roses. Not only are those my favorite flower, they were also my favorite color. And right there, the beauty found in those weeds, brought tears of joy to my eyes. 

I am 40 years old, and in those years, I’ve discovered lots of weeds and experienced more brokenness then I want to admit. I’m the happy girl, always with a smile and the reason is because there is One who has seen my shattered dreams. He is the Potter that takes my brokenness and turns them into something beautiful. One of my favorite scriptures is found in Isaiah: 

To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion–to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit–that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:3 AMP) 

God looks at this vessel, with all the broken pieces, scattered all about. He gently picks up those pieces and begins to put them back together. 

He heals the hurts. He dries the tears. He carries you through the tough times. 

And He doesn’t just put us back together. He makes those pieces more beautiful than before. He puts laughter back into the heart. 

God is in the creation business and when we reach out to Him, he makes us new. He’s always faithful. And He promises us that our righteousness will be as the oak tree: strong and upright. After all, He has planted us. He put the pieces back together. He made promises beauty after the fire. 

My flower bed is still overgrown. The complications of life prevented me from cleaning it out..again. But, do you know what I saw when I looked out my window today? Green branches emerging from the brown weeds surrounding it. Soon, I’ll see red peeking out at me, with all their promises. 

Beauty in the brokenness. 

(Originally published April 6, 2014 · by mywildgardenblog) 

 

Lego's at Midnight

It’s the middle of the night. I’m walking quietly through the dark living room. The family is asleep and I want a drink of water. I turn the corner, put my foot down, and suddenly pain is shooting up my leg. My foot found a Lego that the boys missed. I’m hopping around, trying not to scream. Or I’m crumbled on the floor, rubbing my sore foot. Oh the pain of Legos. Or matchbox cars. Or little army men. It’s amazing what my feet would find in the middle of the night. 

Now, my boys are in their teen years and my feet haven’t stumbled over hidden toys in the carpet in quite a while. But, life has been in full force. There are those “Lego’s at Midnight” moments. Things happen that are totally unexpected. Where the wind is knocked out of me and I’m hopping around, trying not to scream. Trying to keep full control when the world is spinning out of control. 

Lego’s happen. Even when you’re serving God. 

Little army men, hidden in the carpet. Even when things are going great. 

A matchbox car, flipped over, tires up. Even when you’re doing the right things. 

Lego’s at midnight. Crumbled. Wind knocked out. World spinning. 

So, now what? Deep breath in. Deep breath out. You reach out. And you stand. Ephesians 6:13-14 says. “When you’ve done all to stand, stand.” 

And stand. 

And stand. 

You take a step, then another step. And you keep going. Because stopping isn’t an option. Giving in isn’t an option. It’s ok to stop and get your breath. But stand back up! Don’t stop. Life is continual. It doesn’t stop and neither do we. God has given each of us a purpose. The plan for our life doesn’t change just because life is reaching up and dumping Lego’s in our path. 

And that’s where Faith comes in. Faith to trust God. Faith to keep going. Faith to dig in. Faith to trust that God’s grace is truly sufficient for me. Faith becomes an action. And that action ripples the water of life. It looks life in the eye. It sees the natural, but allows the supernatural power of God to take over. 

And, when I look back, I see God’s faithfulness has surrounded me and my family. Like my son Nate, said last week, “Mom, God’s got this. He’s never let us down.” 

So, at some point, another Lego may be in my path. But, I’ll stand up. And keep going. Because God’s got those “Lego’s at Midnight” moments already taken care of. Because He’s never let us down. 

(originally published January 16, 2014 · by mywildgardenblog)

 

Live In Color

I live in a home filled with neutral colors. Now to some people, that makes a perfect home. But to me, it’s boring. Don’t get me wrong. I love my house. But I also love color. I have many great ideas for my home. And my goal, this fall, is to start peeling wallpaper and painting the walls. 

But, do I live a life of color? I’m not talking about the clothes I wear, but the life I live in front of others. 

Do I stay in the neutral, where no one really knows what I believe? Do I act a certain way at work and another way at church? Am I blending into the crowd or standing out? What are my colors? Do I use “the whole box of crayons” or do I choose the least noticed, but most used colors? 

When my kids were little, they loved coloring. Their pages were colorful and they never stayed in the lines. And they were so proud of their pages. But as they grew older, they began to seek perfection. They stayed in the lines and chose the “right” colors. 

As adults, when do we start compromising our true selves to fit in with society? When did we become fearful of letting our faith shine bright? When did we start coloring in the lines so that we would look the same as those around us? 

Remember this Sunday School song: 

This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine. 
This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine. 
This little light of mine. I’m going to let it shine. 
Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. 

After all, the brighter we are, the less darkness can surround us. And we can take that shining light into our homes, our work places, our churches, and our neighborhoods. So, color yourselves bright. And color outside the lines. Let the world see Christ shining so brightly out of you, that they want that light for themselves. 

(originally published June 30, 2014 · by mywildgardenblog)

 

Running Without Shoes

RUNNING WITHOUT SHOES 

This morning, my nine-year-old son, Alex, was running late for school. I was yelling up the stairs for him to hurry up. Just as he hits the bottom step, the bus drives by. His bus stop is three doors down. I assume he’s going to ask me to take him to school. Instead, he grabs his backpack with one hand and his shoes with the other and tears out the front door. Running to the bus. In just his socks. And he made it. I couldn’t stop laughing. He was so focused on catching that bus. So focused, he didn’t care if his socks got dirty. Just as long as he caught that bus. 

I’ve thought about this morning’s episode all day. At first, it was, “What will all the mom’s think of me? My kid running without his shoes on?” But as the day went by, I started wondering why Alex was so focused. I would’ve taken him to school if he had missed the bus. On my drive home from work, I began wondering what would happen if I became so focused, that I didn’t care what I looked like, as long as I accomplished my goal, my dream. I wondered what would happen if I was so focused on God, that nothing else mattered anymore. 

During the next 15 miles, I imagined a life focused solely on what God has for me. Honestly, it was hard to wrap my mind around it. After all, I have to work, take care of my kids, and volunteer in my church. I’m going to school as well. Isn’t that what God has for me? But as I looked deeper, I remembered the dreams I’ve had. Dreams I’ve let fall to the side. After all, life is busy. Life takes money. And life sometimes makes me tired. 

As the cars passed me by, and as I passed a few myself, I started thinking of David. This kid was a shepherd. He had to defend those sheep from lions and wolves. Yet, he was called to rule a kingdom. Samuel annointed him King before Saul ever left the throne. So, was David’s focus on sheep, or was it on what God told him to do? When I read of him facing Goliath, I have to believe that the only reason David was prepared to face the giant, was because his focus was on God and what God had given him to do. This Philistine was mocking Israel and David was ready to stop him. He grabbed some rocks and a slingshot and ran towards Goliath. He never stopped. At that moment, David was acting as the King he was called to be. And Goliath fell. 

Now, come back to reality. Well, maybe not. Maybe I should leave reality behind. Reality would’ve told a little boy to put his shoes on and just let mom drive him to school. But, that wasn’t the goal. The goal was to catch that bus. 

What is the bus I’m chasing? What is holding me back? What makes me stay behind and watch bus after bus pass me by? Fear? Uncertainty? I’m not really sure why I hold myself back. But, I can change that. I can decide to catch up with my dreams and turn them into reality. 

I think I’ll throw off my shoes, the things in my life that hold me back. And I’ll run after God and the dreams He has placed in my heart. After all, who needs shoes to run? 

Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong! Ephesians 3:17b, NLT

(originally May 11, 2013 · by mywildgardenblog - a previous blog)